you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
