I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
