Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
