I am puke
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
