Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
