hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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