just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
