this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
