I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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