Pregnant stripper...not hot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
