bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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