About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm like, not good at living.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
