The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
