My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
