He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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