So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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