I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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