im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
