Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
