I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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