I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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