Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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