i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize