I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
