You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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