i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
