so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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