she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
