remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
