My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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