i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
