Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
