I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
