I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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