Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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