im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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