just survived the first fart of the relationship.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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