Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
