never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
