If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
