I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
