Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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