omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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