Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
