you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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