what day is it and did you see me today?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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