"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
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He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.