I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes