Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given