I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
