Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Your face is a jimmy john
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete