I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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