The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
