Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
