Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
