You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
