He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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