i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
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Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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