There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
