I think i peed on brittanys purse
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
