I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
