I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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