we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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