he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
