Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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