Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?