No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.