dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
