the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
