I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
