Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
