I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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