Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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