I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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