the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
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