i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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