I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
