I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
