Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
