You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
