well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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