Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
