Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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