Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
