Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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