Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
