Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
