found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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